I remember constructing this profile for my Myspace last year- 2006.
It was pretty fun.
I’m not all that close to half of these people anymore.
But this profile brought back memories.
The conversations and speeches are either based on real life or it’s really what I imagined them to be.
JAEZ (ME): Hurm… how should I start with this profile…?
SAFIAH (Suddenly appearing from nowhere): You can always start with something simple like… “I’m just a simple girl…”
ZAHIRAH (Also appearing from nowhere): JUST a simple girl?! Ha ha ha!
JAEZ: OK, Zahirah’s right. I’m not JUST a simple girl. So let’s just cut that ‘simple girl’ nonsense. I’ll start with “I am a very mysterious girl…”
ARD (Appearing from nowhere): Mysterious girl? Jazreen? Ha ptui!
DANIA (Like the others’ appearing from nowhere in sudden): No! Jazz, you are not a mysterious girl. You are predictable. Easy to read.
JAEZ: Oh, yeah?
DANIA: Yeah. Just you see. My prediction is… she’s going to freak out later because everybody suddenly keeps on appearing from nowhere.
JAEZ: … what the…? Why is everybody suddenly appearing from nowhere?!
AISHAH (Appeared from nowhere with a POOF!): We came here to help you to describe yourself in your ‘about me’ profile. Don’t ask us why we’re helping you because that answer would be because you are simply too LOUSY in describing yourself. Hopeless I would say.
JAEZ: (Freaking out) GAH! Can you people please stop doing that whole ‘appearing from nowhere’ thingy?! And besides, Zahirah, why are you here? You’re supposed to be in Kelantan right now!
ZAHIRAH: My body may be there, but my ghost will continue to haunt you… Muahahaha…. Until the last tick of time… Muahahahaha!
DANIA: See? I told you that she’s gonna freak. She is SO predictable.
NADA (Also appearing from nowhere): So much for mysterious…
JAEZ: Damn you people! I said STOP DOING THAT! Stop appearing from nowhere! You’re giving me a scare here!
RITH (POOF! And he appears): BOOYA! You’re scared? All the more reason to do it!
JAEZ: Here’s a piece of info about me— I HAVE ANNOYING FRIENDS AND ANNOYING COUSINS!!!!!
AISHAH: Hello! Everybody’s annoying eventually. Especially you!
JAEZ: What?! Me?!
RITH: That’s right, cuz. Y-O-U! Whenever I call you for a short talk, you will keep on blabbing on and on and on and on and on…
FARHIN (appearing also from nowhere): Okay, bro. You can stop now. Everybody gets the message already. She talks A LOT!
JAEZ: Well, only with certain people…
NADA: OKAY! So who here agrees that she talks a lot?
**Zahirah, Ard, Dania, Rith and Aishah raised their hands without hesitating**
JAEZ: See? I’m only talkative with certain people.
ZAHIRAH: Hey, who here agrees that she talks LOUD?
**Zahirah, Ard, Dania, Rith, Aishah, Nada and Safiah raised BOTH of their hands never in a second hesitating**
ARD: Didn’t someone called you a ‘Loudspeaker’ before? I’m sure someone did that…
GURVEER (appearing from somewhere but no idea from where): No. I didn’t remember calling her a ‘Speaker’. But I do recall making a statement in Pn. G.’s class that she’s a mike (microphone)…
JAEZ: Gurveer, what are you doing here? How come you’re here in my profile of all places? And how the heck can you people suddenly appear from nowhere?!
GURVEER: How many times have I told you people to call me ‘G’? I mean ‘G’ WITHOUT a full stop? And how I appear all of a sudden, that’s the magic and charms of ‘G’. Why am I here? I’m just here to flirt on Aishah and Nada.
NADA: (rolling her eyes) Typical Gurveer…
AISHAH: Oi, Gurveer! Go flirt with your girlfriend lar! Now shut up and get out!
GURVEER: OK! (Throwing a flying kiss towards Nada and Aishah) (Then he finally disappear)
NARDINE (also appearing from nowhere): Another piece of information about this small, loud girl: SOMBONG!
JAEZ: Really? Do I look THAT sombong?
NARDINE: You don’t just look sombong, you ARE sombong. Or at least that’s my opinion lar.
DANIA: Don’t worry about it, Jazz. A lot of people said that I look snobbish too when they first saw me. It’s not our fault that God gave us snobbish complexions.
FARHIN: Yep, it’s because it runs in the family.
RITH: And a lot of people said I look cute. Well, it’s not my fault that God gave ME a cute complexion. Hehehe…
FARHIN: And THAT runs in the family too! It’s not just you, bro! The WHOLE family gets that!
JAEZ: Oh God, why is my family SO VAIN?!
JAEZ: Can we please stop talking about the bad things now? Let’s talk about something general.
DANIA: (Sarcastically) What are you saying, Jazz? Those things that we had just comment on are not bad things.
FARHIN: Yeah, those are the good qualities in you.
RITH: Yeah, they are what that makes you… YOU!
JAEZ: Will you people just please drop it, my oh-so-supportive-cousins? Safiah, a little help?
SAFIAH: Well, you can always talk about school…
JAEZ: Well, I’m in form 4 right now, currently in 4G. My PMR results are…
AISHAH: Honestly, do you really think people are interested in that crap? Here’s an interesting information— She’s a geek and a bookie.
NADA: Tch. That’s not interesting because WE ALL know that.
JAEZ: How do you know that I’m a geek AND a bookworm.
NADA: Because you LOOK like that.
JAEZ: Nada, I do not look like a geek!
AISHAH: Jazreen, face it. You’re the girl with the ponytail kontot/pendek who wears her spectacles like a geek and digs her face in books like bookies!
JAEZ: Those weren’t books, they’re comics.
ARD: Haish! ‘Swinging bowl’ (mangkuk ayun) betul la kau ni! Kan sama je!
JAEZ: OK, now it’s MY turn to describe about myself. I act differently around people depending on the time, my mood and the type of person I hang around with.
JAZMEEN (appearing from somewhere): Oh really? Your responds towards people depend on the time? I’ve been living with you for almost 12 years, and you still hasn’t act any different around me. You still act as if I’m an annoying sister.
JAEZ: OK, Jazmeen. You’re not an annoying sister. You’re a VERY ANNOYING sister!
JAZMEEN: Like I said, she still hasn’t act any different towards me…
JAEZ: Okay. I think that’s about it. I’m done with this ‘about me’ profile.
WANI (Suddenly appearing from nowhere): Jais, you are never very appreciative aren’t you? You didn’t even thank us all on helping you.
JAEZ: Helping me describing myself? Diorang MENGUTUK aku la! Now, can all of you people just disappear like Gurveer did? And honestly, I don’t want anymore people appearing all of a sudden. It still scares me.
AISHAH: Not until you thank us properly.
JAEZ: Hey, this is not some kind of an award or function where I thank all the people who had helped me before!
SAFIAH: Jazreen, it’s always better to thank Allah for all of the good things AND the bad.
FARHIN: Jazreen, don’t you dare thank them first! You should always care about family first!
JAEZ: FINE! Thank you God for giving me a caring family.
DANIA: Seriously, Jazz. It always helps to be more specific and accurate on the details.
JAEZ: Thank you God for giving me my oh-so-caring cousins and my oh-so-not-annoying sister.
RITH Which is…?
JAEZ: Dania, Farhin and Khairyl (Rith)… and annoying Jazmeen
JAEZ: I thank God for giving me a good friend, Safiah.
NARDINE: Jazz, how could you?! I am not your good friend?!
JAEZ: Unlike all of you other people, Safiah didn’t say anything bad about me.
AISHAH: You better thank us because we’re not going off without proper Thank Yous.
JAEZ: (Sigh) Thank you God for blessing me with great friends like Nardine, Nada, Wanie, Ard…
AISHAH: Oh, Jazreen! You counted us as blessings! Oh, I’m so emo.
JAEZ: Jiwang karat betul la kau ni, Aishah. I never mention your name.
AISHAH: (Glaring daggers at Jaez)
JAEZ: … Fine fine! You’re a great friend too Aishah. May peace be upon you in Sekolah Sains Selangor. Now can I be rid of you people?
JAEZ: Dan KAU (pointing towards Zahirah), may God bless you in Kelantan!
JAEZ: ……… and that’s all about me!
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